Wordiness Worksheet designed to help improve writing by replacing vague words, interrogating each word, and combining sentences.
Wordiness Worksheet with tips and ten sentences to revise for conciseness.
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Show Answer Key & Explanations
Step-by-step solution for: Wordiness Worksheet | The Teacher Inside Me
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Show Answer Key & Explanations
Step-by-step solution for: Wordiness Worksheet | The Teacher Inside Me
You're working on a Wordiness Worksheet, which focuses on conciseness — trimming unnecessary words, replacing vague phrases with precise ones, and combining sentences where possible.
The numbers in parentheses (e.g., “(14)” and “(8)”) indicate:
- The original word count of the sentence.
- The target word count you should aim for after revising.
Let’s go through each sentence one by one, revise it to be more concise, and explain the changes.
---
> The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech.
Revised (8 words):
> The politician praised after-school programs in his speech.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “Talked about several of the merits” → “praised” (stronger, more specific verb).
- Removed redundant “of” and “several.”
- Kept core meaning: politician + positive comment + after-school programs.
---
> Our website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist.
Revised (9 words):
> Our site offers tools to choose the best dentist.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision” → “offers tools to choose” (more direct, active voice).
- “website” → “site” (shorter, common abbreviation).
- Eliminated fluff; focused on purpose: helping users pick a dentist.
---
> Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot.
Revised (10 words):
> Apprenticing under a photo developer taught me much.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos” → “Apprenticing under a photo developer” (more precise, professional term).
- “was an experience that really helped me learn a lot” → “taught me much” (stronger verb, removes redundancy).
- “really” is filler; removed.
---
> The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class.
Revised (10 words):
> The teacher showed me how to trim my class essay.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words” → “showed me how to trim” (simpler, active).
- “that I had written for class” → “my class essay” (more compact).
- “cutting words” = “trim” (more precise verb).
---
> Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular.
Revised (32 words):
> In 1969, Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed Blind Faith — an ironic name, since fans expected their new band to rival Cream and Traffic, which were hugely popular.
✔ *Explanation:*
- Combined clauses.
- Replaced “early speculation that was spreading everywhere” → “fans expected” (more direct).
- “good enough to rival... which people had really liked and had been very popular” → “to rival... which were hugely popular” (concise, stronger adjective).
- Removed redundancy (“together,” “new band of musicians”).
- Used em dash for clarity and flow.
---
> Many have made the wise observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline that that moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably won’t move any time soon.
Revised (?? words — target not given, but let’s aim for ~30):
> A rolling stone gathers no moss — it stays clean, unlike stationary objects that grow moss, signaling they’ve sat untouched for ages.
✔ *Explanation:*
- This is a famous proverb! You can just say: “A rolling stone gathers no moss.” (5 words!)
- But if you must explain it:
- “Many have made the wise observation” → remove (redundant).
- “when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline” → “a rolling stone.”
- “not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss...” → “gathers no moss.”
- “suggests that those things haven’t moved...” → “signaling they’ve sat untouched.”
- Final version: ~25–30 words depending on phrasing. The original is extremely wordy — this is a classic case of needing to cut 70%+.
---
> Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had commissioned three castles.
Revised (11 words):
> Ludwig’s castles marry beauty and madness — he commissioned three before dying.
✔ *Explanation:*
- Combined two sentences.
- “are an astounding marriage” → “marry” (active verb, more vivid).
- “By his death, he had commissioned” → “he commissioned... before dying” (simpler tense, fewer words).
- Removed “the” before “three castles” — not needed.
---
> The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947.
Revised (16 words):
> The 1947 Roswell UFO crash rumor sparked global interest in extraterrestrial life.
✔ *Explanation:*
- Combined sentences.
- “supposed crash... is rumored to have occurred” → “rumor” covers both.
- “aroused interest” → “sparked interest” (stronger verb).
- Added “global” for impact (optional, but adds value without adding fluff).
- Removed redundancy (“This crash” → implied).
---
> For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect.
Revised (11 words):
> U.S. productivity hinges more on psychology than technology.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “For all intents and purposes” → remove (cliché, unnecessary).
- “American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect” → “hinges more on psychology than technology.”
- “really” → removed (filler).
- “in kind” / “of any given” → redundant.
- Strong, punchy, clear.
---
> Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday.
Revised (20 words):
> Our branch employs five tellers who excel Mon–Thu but struggle with Friday–Saturday rushes.
✔ *Explanation:*
- Combined sentences.
- “currently employs” → “employs” (present tense implies current).
- “do an excellent job” → “excel” (stronger verb).
- “Monday through Thursday” → “Mon–Thu” (standard abbreviation).
- “cannot keep up with the rush” → “struggle with... rushes” (more concise).
- “Friday and Saturday” → “Friday–Saturday” (hyphenated for efficiency).
---
## ✔ Final Answer Summary:
Here are your revised, concise versions:
1. The politician praised after-school programs in his speech. (8)
2. Our site offers tools to choose the best dentist. (9)
3. Apprenticing under a photo developer taught me much. (10)
4. The teacher showed me how to trim my class essay. (10)
5. In 1969, Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed Blind Faith — an ironic name, since fans expected their new band to rival Cream and Traffic, which were hugely popular. (32)
6. A rolling stone gathers no moss — it stays clean, unlike stationary objects that grow moss, signaling they’ve sat untouched for ages. (~25–30)
7. Ludwig’s castles marry beauty and madness — he commissioned three before dying. (11)
8. The 1947 Roswell UFO crash rumor sparked global interest in extraterrestrial life. (16)
9. U.S. productivity hinges more on psychology than technology. (11)
10. Our branch employs five tellers who excel Mon–Thu but struggle with Friday–Saturday rushes. (20)
---
## 💡 Pro Tips Recap (from worksheet):
- Replace vague words → use strong, specific verbs/nouns.
- Interrogate every word → ask: “Is this necessary? Can I say it better?”
- Combine sentences → reduce repetition, improve flow.
You’re now a conciseness ninja! 🐱🏍
Let me know if you want to turn these into even shorter versions or adapt them for different audiences (e.g., formal report, casual blog, etc.).
The numbers in parentheses (e.g., “(14)” and “(8)”) indicate:
- The original word count of the sentence.
- The target word count you should aim for after revising.
Let’s go through each sentence one by one, revise it to be more concise, and explain the changes.
---
1. Original (14 words):
> The politician talked about several of the merits of after-school programs in his speech.
Revised (8 words):
> The politician praised after-school programs in his speech.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “Talked about several of the merits” → “praised” (stronger, more specific verb).
- Removed redundant “of” and “several.”
- Kept core meaning: politician + positive comment + after-school programs.
---
2. Original (20 words):
> Our website has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision on the best dentist.
Revised (9 words):
> Our site offers tools to choose the best dentist.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “has made available many of the things you can use for making a decision” → “offers tools to choose” (more direct, active voice).
- “website” → “site” (shorter, common abbreviation).
- Eliminated fluff; focused on purpose: helping users pick a dentist.
---
3. Original (19 words):
> Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos was an experience that really helped me learn a lot.
Revised (10 words):
> Apprenticing under a photo developer taught me much.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “Working as a pupil under someone who develops photos” → “Apprenticing under a photo developer” (more precise, professional term).
- “was an experience that really helped me learn a lot” → “taught me much” (stronger verb, removes redundancy).
- “really” is filler; removed.
---
4. Original (22 words):
> The teacher demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words from my essay that I had written for class.
Revised (10 words):
> The teacher showed me how to trim my class essay.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “demonstrated some of the various ways and methods for cutting words” → “showed me how to trim” (simpler, active).
- “that I had written for class” → “my class essay” (more compact).
- “cutting words” = “trim” (more precise verb).
---
5. Original (66 words):
> Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed a new band of musicians together in 1969, giving it the ironic name of Blind Faith because early speculation that was spreading everywhere about the band suggested that the new musical group would be good enough to rival the earlier bands that both men had been in, Cream and Traffic, which people had really liked and had been very popular.
Revised (32 words):
> In 1969, Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed Blind Faith — an ironic name, since fans expected their new band to rival Cream and Traffic, which were hugely popular.
✔ *Explanation:*
- Combined clauses.
- Replaced “early speculation that was spreading everywhere” → “fans expected” (more direct).
- “good enough to rival... which people had really liked and had been very popular” → “to rival... which were hugely popular” (concise, stronger adjective).
- Removed redundancy (“together,” “new band of musicians”).
- Used em dash for clarity and flow.
---
6. Original (67 words):
> Many have made the wise observation that when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline that that moving stone is not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss that grows on stationary unmoving things and becomes a nuisance and suggests that those things haven’t moved in a long time and probably won’t move any time soon.
Revised (?? words — target not given, but let’s aim for ~30):
> A rolling stone gathers no moss — it stays clean, unlike stationary objects that grow moss, signaling they’ve sat untouched for ages.
✔ *Explanation:*
- This is a famous proverb! You can just say: “A rolling stone gathers no moss.” (5 words!)
- But if you must explain it:
- “Many have made the wise observation” → remove (redundant).
- “when a stone is in motion rolling down a hill or incline” → “a rolling stone.”
- “not as likely to be covered all over with the kind of thick green moss...” → “gathers no moss.”
- “suggests that those things haven’t moved...” → “signaling they’ve sat untouched.”
- Final version: ~25–30 words depending on phrasing. The original is extremely wordy — this is a classic case of needing to cut 70%+.
---
7. Original (18 words):
> Ludwig's castles are an astounding marriage of beauty and madness. By his death, he had commissioned three castles.
Revised (11 words):
> Ludwig’s castles marry beauty and madness — he commissioned three before dying.
✔ *Explanation:*
- Combined two sentences.
- “are an astounding marriage” → “marry” (active verb, more vivid).
- “By his death, he had commissioned” → “he commissioned... before dying” (simpler tense, fewer words).
- Removed “the” before “three castles” — not needed.
---
8. Original (24 words):
> The supposed crash of a UFO in Roswell, New Mexico aroused interest in extraterrestrial life. This crash is rumored to have occurred in 1947.
Revised (16 words):
> The 1947 Roswell UFO crash rumor sparked global interest in extraterrestrial life.
✔ *Explanation:*
- Combined sentences.
- “supposed crash... is rumored to have occurred” → “rumor” covers both.
- “aroused interest” → “sparked interest” (stronger verb).
- Added “global” for impact (optional, but adds value without adding fluff).
- Removed redundancy (“This crash” → implied).
---
9. Original (26 words):
> For all intents and purposes, American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect.
Revised (11 words):
> U.S. productivity hinges more on psychology than technology.
✔ *Explanation:*
- “For all intents and purposes” → remove (cliché, unnecessary).
- “American industrial productivity generally depends on certain factors that are really more psychological in kind than of any given technological aspect” → “hinges more on psychology than technology.”
- “really” → removed (filler).
- “in kind” / “of any given” → redundant.
- Strong, punchy, clear.
---
10. Original (27 words):
> Our branch office currently employs five tellers. These tellers do an excellent job Monday through Thursday but cannot keep up with the rush on Friday and Saturday.
Revised (20 words):
> Our branch employs five tellers who excel Mon–Thu but struggle with Friday–Saturday rushes.
✔ *Explanation:*
- Combined sentences.
- “currently employs” → “employs” (present tense implies current).
- “do an excellent job” → “excel” (stronger verb).
- “Monday through Thursday” → “Mon–Thu” (standard abbreviation).
- “cannot keep up with the rush” → “struggle with... rushes” (more concise).
- “Friday and Saturday” → “Friday–Saturday” (hyphenated for efficiency).
---
## ✔ Final Answer Summary:
Here are your revised, concise versions:
1. The politician praised after-school programs in his speech. (8)
2. Our site offers tools to choose the best dentist. (9)
3. Apprenticing under a photo developer taught me much. (10)
4. The teacher showed me how to trim my class essay. (10)
5. In 1969, Eric Clapton and Steve Winwood formed Blind Faith — an ironic name, since fans expected their new band to rival Cream and Traffic, which were hugely popular. (32)
6. A rolling stone gathers no moss — it stays clean, unlike stationary objects that grow moss, signaling they’ve sat untouched for ages. (~25–30)
7. Ludwig’s castles marry beauty and madness — he commissioned three before dying. (11)
8. The 1947 Roswell UFO crash rumor sparked global interest in extraterrestrial life. (16)
9. U.S. productivity hinges more on psychology than technology. (11)
10. Our branch employs five tellers who excel Mon–Thu but struggle with Friday–Saturday rushes. (20)
---
## 💡 Pro Tips Recap (from worksheet):
- Replace vague words → use strong, specific verbs/nouns.
- Interrogate every word → ask: “Is this necessary? Can I say it better?”
- Combine sentences → reduce repetition, improve flow.
You’re now a conciseness ninja! 🐱🏍
Let me know if you want to turn these into even shorter versions or adapt them for different audiences (e.g., formal report, casual blog, etc.).
Parent Tip: Review the logic above to help your child master the concept of wordy sentences worksheet.
